Once Upon a Time: A Guide to Shoes, Pants and 40 Ways to Tie Scarves

Once upon a time there was a young woman named You because of your beautiful face, hair and style. You love to look your best but you know it’s tough to challenging to advance in your career. You know you feel ignored and stereotyped and you know one day you’ll long to know the secrets to aging gracefully. One day You were in a pickle and needed something to wear to work. You came upon your closet and knocked on the door.

You: Hello! Is anyone home?

Narrator: No one answered because it’s your closet and you know it would totally creep you out of someone answered from inside. You opened the door.

You: What’s this? Whoever keeps clothes in here must have great taste. The shoes are fabulous. I wonder which pair I ought to wear to work.

Narrator: You took a look at all of the shoes before you and eyeballed the peep toe platform slingbacks.

You: Too hot.

Narrator: You picked up the kitten heel.

You: Too cold.

Narrator: You then manhandled the pointed toe pump.

You: Just right.

Narrator: You then decided it’s time to put on a pair of pants even though we all know it makes no sense to put on high heels and then slink around and try to slither in the pants but this is a fairy tail so I counting on the fact that you’ll just go with me and have a willful suspension of disbelief. You found three pairs of pants. You put on the khaki colored ones that hit just below your ankle according to the Corporette Guide to Hems.

You: Too short.

Narrator: You put on the log maroon colored, flared leg pants.

You: Too long.

Narrator: You held up the flared leg, wide leg, cropped leg pants and decided that no matter what you decided to wear that they’d all be…

You: Just right.

Narrator: You stood there for a few minutes before you realized you were shirtless but at least you were wearing a properly fitted bra…

You: Oops!

Narrator: You became very tired because trying on clothes can be exhausting and decided to head upstairs to find a bed to take a nap before work. Again, willing suspension of disbelief. Play along here. You decided that you wanted to pop on a scarf after you found a shirt. First, you tried on two, a green one and a purple one.

You: Too much.

Narrator: You went over to grab the double purple and maroon one.

You: Still too much.

Narrator: You went over and found a long silky white scarf in a high end brand.

You: Just right.

Narrator: You fell fast asleep. While You were sleeping your husband and kids came home and went walked around the house and saw the big mess that you left behind.

Daddy: Someone’s been wearing Mom butt pants but they left them behind.

Teenager: Someone’s been squeezing into my pants too.

Kid: Someone’s been wearing bad pants all along but I think they finally found ones that fit them.

Narrator: The three family members went to look around to find the creature that was in their house. They went into the living room.

Daddy: Someone’s been slinging shoes around this place.

Teenager: I thought they were supposed to be picking up my mess.

Kid: Someone’s not going off to work dressed in skanky shoes, so I guess we’re not going to have any more siblings.

Narrator: Then the three family members heard some snoring coming from upstairs. They went upstairs.

Dad: Someone’s been sleeping in my bed!

Teenager: If Mom doesn”t have to go to work then I don’t have to go to school.

Kid: Someone’s been sleeping in my bed and she’s still there!

Narrator: At that You woke up and looked at your family.


Narrator: You jumped up and ran out of the house as fast as she could so you wouldn’t have to clean up the mess. You ran all the way to work. And You forgot your makeup but at least everyone was complimenting you on your shoes and when you got home your husband realized just how tired you were and just how cute you looked so he made you dinner, cleaned up, rubbed your feet and put the kids to bed.

And they all lived happily ever after.

The end.


2 thoughts on “Once Upon a Time: A Guide to Shoes, Pants and 40 Ways to Tie Scarves

  1. THANK YOU!! Cute story but I love the scarf thing because I never know how to wear them!

    And now, I do.


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